we had to put our dog down last wednesday.
i miss her.
i went to smell her window seat today.
and i could hardly smell her.
and i cried.
going home...
what is home...
a little less than a year ago, right after i moved back into the dorms with my best friends from school i had to keep coming back to zanesville to finish up work with my internship and see the people that i had grown so close to over the summer. i remember remarking to my suitemate, just as i was lugging my bags to my car that i was tired of feeling as if i were caught between two places.
as if my home was on the road...
and throughout the year, it was the same thing over and over again...
i would talk to my closest friends at school, knowing that they were here for me, and i for them. and that they were my family away from my family.
i would talk with the people that i had grown so close to over the summer and i would know that they were a part of me and i was a part of them. without their involvement in my life i wouldn't be the same.
i would talk with my friends from church, knowing that we shared many experiences throughout the summer and knowing that i had been influential in their life, as they had been in mine.
i would talk with my family, and i would know that they were my family. no matter what happened, they were there for me, and i was there for them.
and so i was stuck on the road between beds.
caught between telephone conversations..
running between meetings and life chats and hippie dances...
but where was my home...?
i just watched one of the many commercials for the new Narnia film coming out, and it struck me that maybe this feeling of being out of place was the one thing i held in common with the Pevensie children. after they experience this amazing place full of adventure, mystery, and love, where they finally feel as if they fit in and there really is a special, significant part for them to play - to have that torn from them... i can't imagine what it would feel like.
and then again, maybe i can.
but then, to feel as if i had been torn away from someplace, doesn't that imply that i would have felt as if i belonged somewhere first? that to feel "out" of place, i must know what it feels to be "in" place?
or is this just one of those "higher calling" things? one of those things that no one can really define, but talk about all the time regardless?
i don't know.
i just want to go home...
a little less than a year ago, right after i moved back into the dorms with my best friends from school i had to keep coming back to zanesville to finish up work with my internship and see the people that i had grown so close to over the summer. i remember remarking to my suitemate, just as i was lugging my bags to my car that i was tired of feeling as if i were caught between two places.
as if my home was on the road...
and throughout the year, it was the same thing over and over again...
i would talk to my closest friends at school, knowing that they were here for me, and i for them. and that they were my family away from my family.
i would talk with the people that i had grown so close to over the summer and i would know that they were a part of me and i was a part of them. without their involvement in my life i wouldn't be the same.
i would talk with my friends from church, knowing that we shared many experiences throughout the summer and knowing that i had been influential in their life, as they had been in mine.
i would talk with my family, and i would know that they were my family. no matter what happened, they were there for me, and i was there for them.
and so i was stuck on the road between beds.
caught between telephone conversations..
running between meetings and life chats and hippie dances...
but where was my home...?
i just watched one of the many commercials for the new Narnia film coming out, and it struck me that maybe this feeling of being out of place was the one thing i held in common with the Pevensie children. after they experience this amazing place full of adventure, mystery, and love, where they finally feel as if they fit in and there really is a special, significant part for them to play - to have that torn from them... i can't imagine what it would feel like.
and then again, maybe i can.
but then, to feel as if i had been torn away from someplace, doesn't that imply that i would have felt as if i belonged somewhere first? that to feel "out" of place, i must know what it feels to be "in" place?
or is this just one of those "higher calling" things? one of those things that no one can really define, but talk about all the time regardless?
i don't know.
i just want to go home...
sitting next to Imagination
i heard her beckoning across the hall to join her for a while.
to have a chat.
be inspired.
day dream once more.
but i can't.
i tell her that i have school.
and classes. and homework to do.
she stands in the doorway to my room, asking to come in.
to indulge my dreams.
to leave the certain behind.
day dream once more.
but i can't.
i have an exam on monday.
and five chapters to read. and stuff to memorize.
she stands in front of me, now.
and i indulge her...
if only for a moment, i'll be lost in my dreams...
to have a chat.
be inspired.
day dream once more.
but i can't.
i tell her that i have school.
and classes. and homework to do.
she stands in the doorway to my room, asking to come in.
to indulge my dreams.
to leave the certain behind.
day dream once more.
but i can't.
i have an exam on monday.
and five chapters to read. and stuff to memorize.
she stands in front of me, now.
and i indulge her...
if only for a moment, i'll be lost in my dreams...
on heresy...
because of a lack of sleep, i'm watching this "faith-t.v."
it is so full of heresy, health and wealth gospel, and uncouth readings of the prophets and Revelation.
and it makes me even more nauseous than i already am.
someone had told me that is is not that important to go to school for ministry.
being someone who has decided not to go into ministry, i find my theology and ministry classes to be some of the most purposeful and important classes to take.
how else is someone to recognize the heresy that is so prevalent in our own churches today?
in taking my theology classes, ministry classes, and reading all the books and listening to all the lectures and going to all the classes and studying for all the exams, i have realizes: i have been heretical.
i have been heretical.
i have been modalistic.
i have been a health and wealth-er.
i have been uncouth.
and while watching the televangelists frustrates me to no end, it brings a sense of humility.
after all, i have been where they are.
the only difference is i have had the opportunity of good fellowship, community, and instruction.
only by the grace of God am i not where the televangelists are now.
Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner.
it is so full of heresy, health and wealth gospel, and uncouth readings of the prophets and Revelation.
and it makes me even more nauseous than i already am.
someone had told me that is is not that important to go to school for ministry.
being someone who has decided not to go into ministry, i find my theology and ministry classes to be some of the most purposeful and important classes to take.
how else is someone to recognize the heresy that is so prevalent in our own churches today?
in taking my theology classes, ministry classes, and reading all the books and listening to all the lectures and going to all the classes and studying for all the exams, i have realizes: i have been heretical.
i have been heretical.
i have been modalistic.
i have been a health and wealth-er.
i have been uncouth.
and while watching the televangelists frustrates me to no end, it brings a sense of humility.
after all, i have been where they are.
the only difference is i have had the opportunity of good fellowship, community, and instruction.
only by the grace of God am i not where the televangelists are now.
Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner.
on shoes...
shoes.
i have plenty. tennis shoes, flip-flops (thank you old navy <-- note the sarcasm), brown dress shoes, black dress shoes, winter dress shoes, sandal dress shoes, bowling shoes, slip-on shoes, dress boots, and any other shoe a 21 year old girl would probably have.
and i'm not even one of many with a shoe fetish.
yet, with all these shoes, i just desire one pair: comfortable, cheap, moccasins. they don't have to be beaded, decorated, a certain color or style or brand.
just moccasins.
but do you have any idea how hard they are to find?
they either have 3 inch soles, or are made for rough terrain, or a lined with five sheep to keep your feet warm, or have beads upon beads upon beads on them.
what happened to just a simple, comfortable, low-maintenance pair of moccasins?
if anyone knows, i'd appreciate some enlightenment.
i have plenty. tennis shoes, flip-flops (thank you old navy <-- note the sarcasm), brown dress shoes, black dress shoes, winter dress shoes, sandal dress shoes, bowling shoes, slip-on shoes, dress boots, and any other shoe a 21 year old girl would probably have.
and i'm not even one of many with a shoe fetish.
yet, with all these shoes, i just desire one pair: comfortable, cheap, moccasins. they don't have to be beaded, decorated, a certain color or style or brand.
just moccasins.
but do you have any idea how hard they are to find?
they either have 3 inch soles, or are made for rough terrain, or a lined with five sheep to keep your feet warm, or have beads upon beads upon beads on them.
what happened to just a simple, comfortable, low-maintenance pair of moccasins?
if anyone knows, i'd appreciate some enlightenment.
a question...
what is a "blog"?
asking this question, i almost feel like quoting shakespeare, "what's in a name, that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet?"
but the definition of "blog" governs how and what i talk about. as with the teen craze xanga, do i reveal my every little thought and emotion and crush and annoyance of the day, just letting it be yet another outlet for what society deems inappropriate to speak of during the school day, or just aloud for that matter?
or do i simply give you (albeit few) readers an update on my everyday, uneventful life?
or do i choose to reveal my deepest feelings, emotions, worries, dreams? what i struggle with on a daily basis, or do i simply sugar-coat everything in an attempt to appear normal like every other 'normal' person out there?
such a dilemma.
i know that today, in our culture, our government, our churches and especially our personal relationships, there is a definite lacking in real, true authenticity.
but what can one little blog do about that?
asking this question, i almost feel like quoting shakespeare, "what's in a name, that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet?"
but the definition of "blog" governs how and what i talk about. as with the teen craze xanga, do i reveal my every little thought and emotion and crush and annoyance of the day, just letting it be yet another outlet for what society deems inappropriate to speak of during the school day, or just aloud for that matter?
or do i simply give you (albeit few) readers an update on my everyday, uneventful life?
or do i choose to reveal my deepest feelings, emotions, worries, dreams? what i struggle with on a daily basis, or do i simply sugar-coat everything in an attempt to appear normal like every other 'normal' person out there?
such a dilemma.
i know that today, in our culture, our government, our churches and especially our personal relationships, there is a definite lacking in real, true authenticity.
but what can one little blog do about that?
on a cbbc children's website...
i was on the cbbc children's website earlier and i saw a link to a page entitled "What to do if the News upsets you." and this was one of the reassurances:
"Upsetting events often make the news because they don't happen very often."
hmm...
ignorance is bliss, i guess.
"Upsetting events often make the news because they don't happen very often."
hmm...
ignorance is bliss, i guess.
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